PsychoPatch™ is an approved treatment for excessive concern for the wellbeing of others. Whether you endure chronic compassion, or simply need to be a Merciless Bastard, PsychoPatch™ can help.

How does PsychoPatch™ work?

PsychoPatch™ is a daily-use, transdermal treatment. The patch is applied by the patient, and after 30 minutes the active ingredients subtly and gently alter specific neurotransmitter interactions, allowing the patient to go about their day without giving a shit about anyone.

Is PsychoPatch right for me?

PsychoPatch™ is primarily used as a short term emotion-inhibitor in high-stress situations:

• Dumping a partner who is inevitably going to weep and get snot all over you for hours and hours until you agree to give the relationship One Last Chance just to feel like less of a total shite;
• Administering pay-cuts to your horribly overworked yet clearly inferior staff while demanding a vast bonus for your management 'prowess' from an incompetent board of directors festering in a rancid, pitiless pile of their own ill-gotten money;
• Negotiating a seat on the train home from some decrepit old bastard who's going to die soon anyway;
• And many other difficult situations.

PsychoPatch™ is also recommended for those suffering from long-term empathy or a complex, inner emotional life - especially in dissonant environments, such as in areas with high rates of genocide, or large cities anywhere (NB: Not in Scandinavia.) For more information, consult with your doctor or pharmacist.

How will PsychoPatch affect me?

Many patients are initially concerned that PsychoPatch™ will inhibit their ability to care for and empathise with their family and friends, but most find that after just a short course of treatment, they no longer give a damn what the fuck happens to any of their so-called "loved ones." Furthermore, many patients report that PsychoPatch™ increases their charisma and ability to lie convincingly, allowing them to maintain their relationships with others when it's in their best interests, while also enjoying the ability to ruthlessly discard those who no longer serve any useful purpose.

With an estimated 1% of the population already enjoying a psychopathic mindset, isn't it time you reaped the benefits of complete moral ambivalence?

PsychoPatch™, 'No More Mr Nice Guy' and 'Trust Me, You Won't Feel A Thing' are registered trademarks of the Voigt-Kampff Corporation. Brought to you by Vex Appeal / Skunks At Work / Guy Parsons.

Mr Wallace started dealing with empathy for others from childhood, but PsychoPatch™ has allowed him to detach from this and go on to be a successful businessman. Says Wallace: "When you first admit you need help with your emotions, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps. Listen, when all is said and done, I think you gonna find yo'self one smilin' PsychoPatch™ usin' motherfucker."

Mr Bateman from New York City credits his well-paid job, excellent physique and stunning apartment to PsychoPatch™. "I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion," says Bateman. "And it's all thanks to PsychoPatch™!"

Note: PsychoPatch is contraindicated for those already criminally insane. Although generally well-tolerated, reported side-effects (< 5%) include headaches, blotchy rash on the torso, flurries of cold, brittle snow occupying an inner emotional void, and the spontaneous rape, torture and execution of passers-by.